Everything happens for a reason

So Nick just dumped me.

No, I'm not sad. At all really. Because the more I think about it, the more it seems like it was the right thing. He didn't make me as happy as I thought he did. I think I was with him as a safety thing. Because I didn't think he would hurt me. But i never truly opened up with him. I couldn't. He wouldn't let me. I remember trying to a few times. In tears. But in all honesty all I got in return was a cold apology. That's not what i want. I wanted him to care and i feel like he never did.

I'm not trying to be bitter to him or resent him. Not one bit. He is truly a great guy. But he's not what I want. And the one thing I truly don't want to have to do is pretend that a guy is right for me. Not anymore. So it stinks that things didn't get as far as I had hoped, but its better it ended before one of us cared more than the other.

So the good thing that comes from this? I can be how ever I want to. I can worry about how I look, rather than what my boyfriend would think. I can write however i want and not wonder what people will assume. I can believe in things like love at first site, cause maybe that can happen. There are so many possibilities that can result from this. So thanks Nick, you've given me back the world.

XoXo

Strange tides...

What an odd way to wake up...

First and foremost my dad came and turned on the light, as usual, to wake me up... and I'm pretty sure he stood there before doing so... Odd. Then upon glancing at my phone noticed I had a Facebook friend request. That’s no big deal, except it was from someone I had not talked to in forever. A guy from up in Michigan, and considering I had only recently changed my name on Facebook it seemed even more odd that he found me. But I’m not asking questions. It’s really not a big deal. 

Ok, so lets get down to business. Do I know what this business is? Not really. Well, I guess I can talk about some of my bitterness lately. Work being my main concern. You see I’m having a little problem accepting the way things are shaping up. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. You see I’ll do what I’m told to do, but the man is making me do things that I shouldn’t have to do. And to be honest it’s not as bad as I had it worked out to be, for me its just the principal of the matter. But to be frank I feel like the ears of my boyfriend and my best friends have been bled dry on this conversation point and there really isn’t much more that I can say about other than I’m not happy and I’m expecting it to not happen again. 

My dog is currently snoring rather loudly on my bed… No bueno.

Have you ever thought back to the promises you made to other people? Like past friends and past relationships that you promised to set your world around? Like going to college with someone or uprooting your life to be with them. Am I the only one who’s done that? I mean I haven’t done it with every person in my life, because it could then be said I was intentionally lying to people. I wouldn’t do that. But every once in awhile there was someone that I thought “you know we could have a future together”. No not a romantic future. I’m a firm believer that you should let your romantic future come in time and not try to plan it… except trips (cause I’m planning a trip to Puerto Rico with the beau tehehe). But the kind of future I’m talking about is the one you have with your friends. The people that you think are meant to be part of your life and that you just can’t function without. You remember your best friend from elementary school? All the plans you made about being in each others’ weddings and growing old together? How many times does that really happen? It hasn’t for me… and I miss her, just like I miss my best friend from middle school who I made the same promises to. The story seems to go on and on. You see the thing with me is that I don’t keep a very large circle of friends. Namely because I am very particular about who I want to care about. So when you become my friend I want you to stay my friend. And yes this includes my exs. Which is where my problem comes from. Why do we make these promises if we can’t keep them? Why do you say “Even though we aren’t together anymore, I never wanna lose you from my life”? Honestly now all I hear in that is Blah Blah Blah.  

So this story sums up with me giving a little advice… don’t make these promises if you cant keep them. Because you see when you make these promises the other person expects you to follow through with it, and when you don’t someone is gonna get hurt. Just saying.

Am I back to bitterness? Well I think I’ll just call this blog to a close. See you soon!

XoXo