Let's talk about Maturity!

Hahahahaha

So plan and simple you just made my day.

You have inadvertently proved everything I have said about you in these past few days and I think that is utterly hilarious. No I wasn't trash talking you I was simply observing that you are in no way the person you led me to believe you were.

Man I love it.

Simply because I love being right. Don't try to fill my head with your nonsense about wanting to be friends, missing me around and all the other crap. You dug your grave so lay in it. You cheated so deal with it. Honestly people should find out. You asked me not to tell and by that asked me to give you a decency you don't deserve.

Honestly more than anything I hope you learn to grow up from this. Pressing delete online and giving me shit at work isn't going to make me go away. You're going to have to see me and realize that your morals truly meant nothing and you're no better than the rest of us. It's time to look in the mirror hun. Look at the way you treat the world and know that even though I put up with it and other people put up with it for a short time, that time is coming to an end. People don't like jerks and know-it-alls and that my dear is exactly what you put yourself out there to be.

Enjoy your day!

XoXo
Ciara 

No where else to turn...

Sometimes there are things that just drive us up a wall.

For example. When things don't work out the way you want them to. When you can't finish things with a simple bow nd ship it out. When it needs to be packed and measured nd at the end of the process you just want to throw it across the room. Screw mailing it.

Well that was a big metaphor for how sick I am of my ex. Maybe the things I'm reading have nothing to do with me. But truly one can't help but assume. I mean, no one lied to anyone... and I'm just truly pissed nd trying to vent. I'm not even sure what I want to say or what I want to come across right now...

Maybe I just need to let things be out in the open. Maybe I just need people to at least pretend to be happy for me. I'm so tired of staying with a guy cause of other people nd getting with a guy for other people. So for once I pick a guy that I legit like nd who I think can match me nd NO ONE seems to want to be happy for me..

All I hear is But Nick.... nd what about Nick.... nd Nick was so great.

Forget it! Me nd Nick is over! That's in my past nd will stay there. Want me to be a bitch? I'm done dating down. Yea, I went there. I said the thing that every person in my family has said over nd over. I want a "God they look good together" not a "God how did he get her". Sorry. I'm sick of being nice...


Rushed


Its time for you to be honest with me,
I'm sicking of playing make believe.
I'm tired of hiding behind the bush,
of pretending it's gone if I just don't look.
You need to say just how you feel,
suck it up and make it real.
It won't change things,
I'm not gonna lie,
It'll just move us closer to goodbye.

But to be blunt,
thats what we need,
there's nothing left
between you and me.
I don't think we can be friends,
and I just don't want to try,
I'm ready to close shop
and say my good byes.

I'm rushing my words,
and spiking my blood,
I'm fighting the urge when push comes to shove.
I'm not the type to pick a fight,
or say bad things late at night.
I don't wanna make enemies out of old friends,
but your not the one I started this with.

You're no where near where you used to be,
and honestly babe, that's fine with me.
You were nothing more than a song and dance,
and that my dear,
is not romance.
So let's end it now,
before we get hurt,
walk away with our pride,
and brush off the dirt.
It's over now,
you and me,
We can both move on,
Happily.

I can't explain myself because I'm not myself, you see?

                I guess we just have to grin through the bad days don’t we? I mean we all have them… Those days where all you want to do is curl up with someone or something and hide from the big bad world. Well this was it for me.

                 My night last night ended with a fight between me and my parents, and of course when I woke up this morning that was where it started again. But I figured I could get through it… and I was right. Almost immediately the person I really wanted to hear from was there to comfort me. And it honestly made things so much better. But then that person had to go, and the day frankly became kind of dismal. Nothing that was too bad in and of its self, just things that collectively took all my will power to overcome. 

              Like the reason I’m so upset right now… when you need a friend you truly need them, and I frankly couldn’t find one. Things are moving too fast in my life and I feel entirely alone in it. I just want someone to play the sympathy for the devil card, and simply pretend that they understand and care about what’s going on in my world. Is that too much to ask? I mean it shouldn’t because the people I wanna hear from, and that I want to listen to me are the people that call themselves my friends… that’s part of the job description right?

But I guess I should stop being bitter. Feeling the urge to right a little… let’s see where it goes…

Madness

Sometimes,

When I truly desire nothing more,                                                               

   I close my eyes and begin to dream,          

Of simple things,                                                                  

Like crowns and kings.                                

But other times,

When the world gets dark,                                                                                

My mind wanders to worlds unknown,                        

With green skies above and white blades under my toes,                             

Of mushrooms forming everglades.                       

A place where right,

Is always wrong,                                                                     

And nothing is what it seems.                             

Where never is always,

And despite that,                                                                    

 forever is only now.                                       

Time seems to stop,

The world stands still,                                                                                          

When in walks the man,                                                        

Who’s friends with the girl,                 

Who does nothing more than spin and twirl.                             

But how do you live,

With your head in a mess?                                                                    

With spinning and dancing,                                

And no time to rest?        

But you see, my dear,

That’s not the best of my dreams,                                                         

The best is the part,                                    

Between you and me.         

For together we rule,

And create a forever In this crazy place.                                                    

In the true world,

Outside my mind,                                                                                    

It’s a huge secret what we do with our time.                   

We are not allowed, you see,

To live together as king and queen.                                                                 

We are not allowed to fall in love,                   

And my dear,                     

In my head, we’re free as doves.                                

So I’ll keep dreaming,

Of my impossible world,                                             

And you keep smiling,                       

And call me your girl.

Strange tides...

What an odd way to wake up...

First and foremost my dad came and turned on the light, as usual, to wake me up... and I'm pretty sure he stood there before doing so... Odd. Then upon glancing at my phone noticed I had a Facebook friend request. That’s no big deal, except it was from someone I had not talked to in forever. A guy from up in Michigan, and considering I had only recently changed my name on Facebook it seemed even more odd that he found me. But I’m not asking questions. It’s really not a big deal. 

Ok, so lets get down to business. Do I know what this business is? Not really. Well, I guess I can talk about some of my bitterness lately. Work being my main concern. You see I’m having a little problem accepting the way things are shaping up. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. You see I’ll do what I’m told to do, but the man is making me do things that I shouldn’t have to do. And to be honest it’s not as bad as I had it worked out to be, for me its just the principal of the matter. But to be frank I feel like the ears of my boyfriend and my best friends have been bled dry on this conversation point and there really isn’t much more that I can say about other than I’m not happy and I’m expecting it to not happen again. 

My dog is currently snoring rather loudly on my bed… No bueno.

Have you ever thought back to the promises you made to other people? Like past friends and past relationships that you promised to set your world around? Like going to college with someone or uprooting your life to be with them. Am I the only one who’s done that? I mean I haven’t done it with every person in my life, because it could then be said I was intentionally lying to people. I wouldn’t do that. But every once in awhile there was someone that I thought “you know we could have a future together”. No not a romantic future. I’m a firm believer that you should let your romantic future come in time and not try to plan it… except trips (cause I’m planning a trip to Puerto Rico with the beau tehehe). But the kind of future I’m talking about is the one you have with your friends. The people that you think are meant to be part of your life and that you just can’t function without. You remember your best friend from elementary school? All the plans you made about being in each others’ weddings and growing old together? How many times does that really happen? It hasn’t for me… and I miss her, just like I miss my best friend from middle school who I made the same promises to. The story seems to go on and on. You see the thing with me is that I don’t keep a very large circle of friends. Namely because I am very particular about who I want to care about. So when you become my friend I want you to stay my friend. And yes this includes my exs. Which is where my problem comes from. Why do we make these promises if we can’t keep them? Why do you say “Even though we aren’t together anymore, I never wanna lose you from my life”? Honestly now all I hear in that is Blah Blah Blah.  

So this story sums up with me giving a little advice… don’t make these promises if you cant keep them. Because you see when you make these promises the other person expects you to follow through with it, and when you don’t someone is gonna get hurt. Just saying.

Am I back to bitterness? Well I think I’ll just call this blog to a close. See you soon!

XoXo