Burns

I have watched a fire burn so brightly the colors around it turned black.
I have watched the colors of shadows grow and brighten,
encompassing all around them,
as the flames soared higher and higher over me.
                            I could not resist the urge to reach my fingers out…
                                              I knew the pain would come,
                                 as my skin heated over the heat and passion.
The flame burned with a lust that rivaled any I had seen;
It caused in me a desire so strong tears were brought to my eyes.
               But still I reached outwards for it…
                            Longed for that flame to fill my core.
There is a fascination that comes with this kind of longing,
a curiosity of how one can come to own and control it…
I held my own elements,
it wasn’t that I was alone.
The ice that surrounded my heart was given to me,
and I had never before wanted to melt it away…
Yet this fire held my eyes and made me hungry,
made me crave its tongue against my skin.



I did it.
                                                    I touched the flame.
Toying with it for so long only made my soul hotter and hotter.
I did not know that things like this were possible…
The gift of ice was all but forgotten,
no longer cool and solid…
it was cold and hard.
I wanted to shed the ice and embrace the fire…
I did it.
I burned myself and loved it.
                One touch did nothing for me.
I stepped fully into the fire and felt its heat tear apart my skin,
the blisters and burns barely a thought in my mind.
                                    I must own this fire.
                 
                                                                         I must control this fire.
And I did it.
       But you cannot control a flame…
The flame fades to a spark…
        No one wins.
My fire is gone now…
I think I killed it.
But all a fire needs to do is breathe,
it needs air to light it’s spark again.
The burns I have suffered leave their tell-tale marks on my skin,
                            red,
                                             flushed,
                                                                             but growing colder
and colder.
I want the fire to rage.
I want to step into it once more,
be hypnotized by its passion
and have it control me the way fire should.
Not to own me,
but to burn with me.

I can't explain myself because I'm not myself, you see?

                I guess we just have to grin through the bad days don’t we? I mean we all have them… Those days where all you want to do is curl up with someone or something and hide from the big bad world. Well this was it for me.

                 My night last night ended with a fight between me and my parents, and of course when I woke up this morning that was where it started again. But I figured I could get through it… and I was right. Almost immediately the person I really wanted to hear from was there to comfort me. And it honestly made things so much better. But then that person had to go, and the day frankly became kind of dismal. Nothing that was too bad in and of its self, just things that collectively took all my will power to overcome. 

              Like the reason I’m so upset right now… when you need a friend you truly need them, and I frankly couldn’t find one. Things are moving too fast in my life and I feel entirely alone in it. I just want someone to play the sympathy for the devil card, and simply pretend that they understand and care about what’s going on in my world. Is that too much to ask? I mean it shouldn’t because the people I wanna hear from, and that I want to listen to me are the people that call themselves my friends… that’s part of the job description right?

But I guess I should stop being bitter. Feeling the urge to right a little… let’s see where it goes…

Madness

Sometimes,

When I truly desire nothing more,                                                               

   I close my eyes and begin to dream,          

Of simple things,                                                                  

Like crowns and kings.                                

But other times,

When the world gets dark,                                                                                

My mind wanders to worlds unknown,                        

With green skies above and white blades under my toes,                             

Of mushrooms forming everglades.                       

A place where right,

Is always wrong,                                                                     

And nothing is what it seems.                             

Where never is always,

And despite that,                                                                    

 forever is only now.                                       

Time seems to stop,

The world stands still,                                                                                          

When in walks the man,                                                        

Who’s friends with the girl,                 

Who does nothing more than spin and twirl.                             

But how do you live,

With your head in a mess?                                                                    

With spinning and dancing,                                

And no time to rest?        

But you see, my dear,

That’s not the best of my dreams,                                                         

The best is the part,                                    

Between you and me.         

For together we rule,

And create a forever In this crazy place.                                                    

In the true world,

Outside my mind,                                                                                    

It’s a huge secret what we do with our time.                   

We are not allowed, you see,

To live together as king and queen.                                                                 

We are not allowed to fall in love,                   

And my dear,                     

In my head, we’re free as doves.                                

So I’ll keep dreaming,

Of my impossible world,                                             

And you keep smiling,                       

And call me your girl.