I don't want to be just another number

I can't find inspiration,

my mind just draws a blur.

I can't think past your kisses,

or the seductive way you slur.

I dream of hands intertwined,

Of fingers interlaced.

Of life forever, you and me,

lost in our own space.

I can't stand the way you play,

the childish manner you take on,

the way you always treat me like,

I'm nothing more than your little pawn.

I don't like how you act so cocky,

Or how you can't spell my name.

I don't like the way the world is just,

some little child's game.

But yet here I am,

locked inside your eyes,

praying you'll never let me go,

that you can be my prize.

So I'll get past the bad,

work through the pain,

smile softly every time,

you whisper my name.

I can't explain myself because I'm not myself, you see?

                I guess we just have to grin through the bad days don’t we? I mean we all have them… Those days where all you want to do is curl up with someone or something and hide from the big bad world. Well this was it for me.

                 My night last night ended with a fight between me and my parents, and of course when I woke up this morning that was where it started again. But I figured I could get through it… and I was right. Almost immediately the person I really wanted to hear from was there to comfort me. And it honestly made things so much better. But then that person had to go, and the day frankly became kind of dismal. Nothing that was too bad in and of its self, just things that collectively took all my will power to overcome. 

              Like the reason I’m so upset right now… when you need a friend you truly need them, and I frankly couldn’t find one. Things are moving too fast in my life and I feel entirely alone in it. I just want someone to play the sympathy for the devil card, and simply pretend that they understand and care about what’s going on in my world. Is that too much to ask? I mean it shouldn’t because the people I wanna hear from, and that I want to listen to me are the people that call themselves my friends… that’s part of the job description right?

But I guess I should stop being bitter. Feeling the urge to right a little… let’s see where it goes…

Madness

Sometimes,

When I truly desire nothing more,                                                               

   I close my eyes and begin to dream,          

Of simple things,                                                                  

Like crowns and kings.                                

But other times,

When the world gets dark,                                                                                

My mind wanders to worlds unknown,                        

With green skies above and white blades under my toes,                             

Of mushrooms forming everglades.                       

A place where right,

Is always wrong,                                                                     

And nothing is what it seems.                             

Where never is always,

And despite that,                                                                    

 forever is only now.                                       

Time seems to stop,

The world stands still,                                                                                          

When in walks the man,                                                        

Who’s friends with the girl,                 

Who does nothing more than spin and twirl.                             

But how do you live,

With your head in a mess?                                                                    

With spinning and dancing,                                

And no time to rest?        

But you see, my dear,

That’s not the best of my dreams,                                                         

The best is the part,                                    

Between you and me.         

For together we rule,

And create a forever In this crazy place.                                                    

In the true world,

Outside my mind,                                                                                    

It’s a huge secret what we do with our time.                   

We are not allowed, you see,

To live together as king and queen.                                                                 

We are not allowed to fall in love,                   

And my dear,                     

In my head, we’re free as doves.                                

So I’ll keep dreaming,

Of my impossible world,                                             

And you keep smiling,                       

And call me your girl.