Sunday, July 31, 2011

Everything happens for a reason

So Nick just dumped me.

No, I'm not sad. At all really. Because the more I think about it, the more it seems like it was the right thing. He didn't make me as happy as I thought he did. I think I was with him as a safety thing. Because I didn't think he would hurt me. But i never truly opened up with him. I couldn't. He wouldn't let me. I remember trying to a few times. In tears. But in all honesty all I got in return was a cold apology. That's not what i want. I wanted him to care and i feel like he never did.

I'm not trying to be bitter to him or resent him. Not one bit. He is truly a great guy. But he's not what I want. And the one thing I truly don't want to have to do is pretend that a guy is right for me. Not anymore. So it stinks that things didn't get as far as I had hoped, but its better it ended before one of us cared more than the other.

So the good thing that comes from this? I can be how ever I want to. I can worry about how I look, rather than what my boyfriend would think. I can write however i want and not wonder what people will assume. I can believe in things like love at first site, cause maybe that can happen. There are so many possibilities that can result from this. So thanks Nick, you've given me back the world.


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Doesn't get much better than this...

This is going to be a short post.

I am very sick. I have been bed ridden for the past 24 hours, thanks to bad food i guess. I also got into a huge fight with my best friend that has left me sincerely wounded. Of course everything has been patched up... or at least it has on a superficial level.

We'll see I guess. I'll try and write more as I get the strength, but for now its off to the shower to get ready for work.


Tuesday, July 19, 2011


                I know that I have gotten very bad at this. Life has just been a hectic mess that includes a huge dose of I really wanna sleep all the time. I can’t help it. Work is nuts. And yea, I know that so many people would kill for a job blah blah blah. The point is not that I don’t like my job. I really do. God I love the things I do and the majority of the people I meet at work. The only thing is that it can be hard going from not working at all and only being a student, to working ALL THE TIME!!!! But hey, I think I handle it well, and I think I’m good at it. I’m just sleepy. 

                So something that is really important to me is about to happen. It involves Nick… You see, recently I’ve felt like I’m just clinging to him and not really doing all those great things I did before to prove I was an awesome girlfriend. Should I have to prove it? No not at all. Do I like to? Yes, absolutely. Why? Because I’ve lived in a world where people aren’t good to each, and don’t give each other the mutual respect they owe each other. You do something nice for me and I do something nice for you. Nick does nice things for me all the time. Buys me food, takes me out, all kinds of things. I don’t have money so I can’t provide monetary things. A lot of girls think those things are part of the basic package when you enter into a relationship. They expect random flowers, chocolate, treats and other things. Yes, I would like to randomly receive flowers, or some chocolate yums, but I don’t expect them ever, one because that’s not the kind of guy Nick is and two because stuff doesn’t happen that way. Sucks but true. But, back to the subject at hand. I finally have the chance to pay him back and I’m so excited about it!!!!!!
So ill leave it there for now…


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Try not to think about it

Have you ever heard the expression "Just bite the bullet"?
Well that would be what I'm going through right now. There's alot on my mind, and I feel like I need to keep it all to me... But I know that would be a bad idea, because when I keep things to myself they tend to EXPLODE in my face. Not pretty.

But the thing is, I don't know who to talk to... I mean, there's Nick, but my problems could essentially cause problems between me and him, just because there is so many of them and they would definitely bog him down. Plus the fact that he seems to be such a worry free person, which doesn't help when you need someone to give you advice.... There's Garrett, my bestie from work... But I'm not sure how he would react to my problems, let alone help me fix them...

I'm just at an odds of what to do.

One thing though is I feel like a lot of things are falling apart around me. Things I really care about. Friendships, relationships, family ties. I'm not sure what to do about them. I know it's not my business, but I hate to see these people hurting, and I want to help. How do you help without prying? Is it even possible?

I'm supposed to go on a date with Nick today. I'm really hoping that some long over due time with him can help bring a smile back to my face...
We shall see.


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Wordless Wednesday


So it has been a long time since I’ve had a chance to blog anything… not my fault I swear. I’ve been working way to many hours and sleeping even fewer… unless you count the fact that I fall asleep at 8 in the afternoon noon and then wake up at 2 in the morning. Why do I say 8 in the afternoon? Because stupid Florida summer time means its still light outside at that time!!! UGH!

Plus I had my computer confiscated for stupid reasons.

But that’s a story I don’t really care to tell.

Let’s instead focus on what’s on my mind right now.

I’m feeling insanely restless. Like I wanna do something productive I’m just honestly not sure what it should be…  Maybe work on my room a little bit? Make it all pretty and stuff? Hmm… that might be a little bit more effort than I want to put in… Maybe PLAN the work I wanna do on my room??? That might be a good idea…
                So let’s see…

·         Need bed frame.
·         Need paint…
o   Preferably pink and brown…
·         Need wall art stuff
o   Preferably shelves and basics that can serve to accentuate that other pieces in my room.
·         Need hard cover, pretty copy of Alice in Wonderland
o   Don’t ask
·         Need to go get photos printed at Walgreens
·         Need bigger room lol

But hey, that’s just a start.

So I guess I should get to it… Ew