One last thing before I go

so im not really sure what my goal with this is. i mean its not like anyone will read it.

i guess im just hoping youll listen and youll understand. im not like most people. im not like most girls. i dont enjoy being the person people count on to do all thier negative things. im not your go to girl. im your friend why cant you treaat me as such?

my favorite color is red.
the color of passion, romance, love and emotion. things that are all important to me.

my favorite food is pasta. alfredo.
no particular reason. it just is.

i love sushi and rock and roll.
i like vintage and designer.
i like to sing and i love to listen
i like to talk and i love to be quiet
im a walking contradiction

i love bein someones baby, but i want them to be mine.
my friends are my life, my niece is my world.

i find joy in the simplest of things.
i hate to yell.
please dont ever make me mad.

i can hold a grudge but it takes alot to get me there.
i prefer to pretend everything is ok, rather then explain why its not.
dont ask me to explain myself more then once


if you wnat me say so.
dont beat around the bush.
be blunt and straight foward.

i dont have regrets
i have things i would do over.

i dream of happy ever after, perfect job, man and friends
i know its almost impossible.
thats not the way life is

i want to teach children.
my parents say its my gift.
funny
patience never seemed my thing.


my goal is highschool.
and ill take it step by step.

im running out of things to say....
so ill say this.
if your reading this
i love you
because you took the time to care.
Thanks for being my friend
and everything more




xoxo,
Ciara

How to say the simple things

UNNAMED

Fate is cruel,
times are hard,
people just dont give a damn.
How easy it is
to betray a lover,
a comrade, or a freind.
Money makes the word go round,
no longer is it love.
War is all we seem to know,
hate our only passion.
So we shelter our children,
cling tightly to our mother,
cry to daddy when we're scared,
defend our little brothers.
Its not a nice one,
this game we play,
but what can you say?
This is how the world was meant to be,
why the caged bird is never set free.

Such Sweet Surrenders 

Once upon a time there was me,

 I often hid from what I should be.

 Because I never was really sure,

 Of what life would have in store.

 The ups and downs,

 The highs and lows.

 The passion,

 Romance,

 And lack of control.

 But life’s been bumpy,

 Times are tough,

 And I find myself to be in love.

 Fast I fell,

 And it kinda hurt,

 But my lover’s arms were my comfort.

A Dying World

I like language,

secrets of foreignlands,

harsh growls and suggestive whispers,

Each showing separate ways of knowing.

Some sound cruel, the harshwinter,

others sweet, the rose’sbloom.

No matter what, they connect us all,

leaves on a branch of a tree.

A tree that is slowly dying as languages cease to be,

as peoplekill and peopledie,

erasing parts of history.

But I like language,

and shall fight to save the ancient tree.

It's the only way I can think to deal...

Runaway

No more pretending it doesnt bother me,
No more fighting off nightmares to fall asleep.
I wanna show you that im so much more,
I wanna understand before you walk out the door.
Its impossible for me just to let it go.


I dont think I ever truly wanna know,
all the things you say about me,
and all the lies youve been fighting to keep.
I cant walk away from what has begun,
you cant just ignore the me youre beginning to shun.


My words seemed jumbled,
and my thoughts dont make sense.
It seems to me,
You, dont really care just how i feel,
and i bet to you none of my words are real.


Ive had this conversation with you before,
and even then you managed to ignore,
every tear that fell from my eyes,
just another time youve made me cry.

Ive tried so hard to be the one,
The prodigy child,
the perfect one.
I wanted you to enjoy me,
all the things we did in company.

I let it go when you broke my heart,
even though i knew it wasnt right.
I pretended it was all mistakes,
and that our love was give and take.


But not this time,
I cant let it be,
you need to know,
your supposed to love me.
Youre the one id come running to,
when my hearts been shattered or my bruises are new.


So mother dear,
please hold my hand,
tell me you love me
and that you understand.
Tell me its all gonna be ok,
and that its never gonna happen again.


I know its alot for me to beg for,
but thats so little,
i want so much more.
I want you to call me just because,
and send me notes to show your love.
I wanna be the Gilmore set,
happily ever after,


But then, I exit the set.

No where else to turn...

Sometimes there are things that just drive us up a wall.

For example. When things don't work out the way you want them to. When you can't finish things with a simple bow nd ship it out. When it needs to be packed and measured nd at the end of the process you just want to throw it across the room. Screw mailing it.

Well that was a big metaphor for how sick I am of my ex. Maybe the things I'm reading have nothing to do with me. But truly one can't help but assume. I mean, no one lied to anyone... and I'm just truly pissed nd trying to vent. I'm not even sure what I want to say or what I want to come across right now...

Maybe I just need to let things be out in the open. Maybe I just need people to at least pretend to be happy for me. I'm so tired of staying with a guy cause of other people nd getting with a guy for other people. So for once I pick a guy that I legit like nd who I think can match me nd NO ONE seems to want to be happy for me..

All I hear is But Nick.... nd what about Nick.... nd Nick was so great.

Forget it! Me nd Nick is over! That's in my past nd will stay there. Want me to be a bitch? I'm done dating down. Yea, I went there. I said the thing that every person in my family has said over nd over. I want a "God they look good together" not a "God how did he get her". Sorry. I'm sick of being nice...


Rushed


Its time for you to be honest with me,
I'm sicking of playing make believe.
I'm tired of hiding behind the bush,
of pretending it's gone if I just don't look.
You need to say just how you feel,
suck it up and make it real.
It won't change things,
I'm not gonna lie,
It'll just move us closer to goodbye.

But to be blunt,
thats what we need,
there's nothing left
between you and me.
I don't think we can be friends,
and I just don't want to try,
I'm ready to close shop
and say my good byes.

I'm rushing my words,
and spiking my blood,
I'm fighting the urge when push comes to shove.
I'm not the type to pick a fight,
or say bad things late at night.
I don't wanna make enemies out of old friends,
but your not the one I started this with.

You're no where near where you used to be,
and honestly babe, that's fine with me.
You were nothing more than a song and dance,
and that my dear,
is not romance.
So let's end it now,
before we get hurt,
walk away with our pride,
and brush off the dirt.
It's over now,
you and me,
We can both move on,
Happily.

99 Problems

Do I sound crazy to you?!

Giddy feelings bubbling inside
cant get enough
screw trying to hide.
Love the way you make me feel,
the goosebumps,
and smiles,
the blushes
and chills.
Like a little child
set free to play,
tomorrow my dear,
will be our day.
To run and jump,
and play and scream,
to do all we want
and everything in between.
We'll conquer the world,
just me and you
and we'll do all those things that lovers do.
We can fight the dragon
or just play pretend,
after all our time together will never end.
still counting the seconds til you are all mine,
and trying so hard
to fast forward time.

Down Down Down

My Vampire...

 
Bite me.
Please.
So hard and deep.
Take me.
Now.
So fast and steep.
Claim me.
Always.
As your own.
Let's be forever,
Night and moon.

Vampire Lullaby

 A kiss of silver runs through my veins,

softly creeping towards my brain,

causing a thirst,

I can't deny,

Not just for your touch but the blood of time.

Leaving me pale in the moon light,

you hunt to keep me satisfied,

until I learn to be on my own,

I know my love you'll never disearn.

It's your fault now that I yearn,

the way things were can never return.

Just another lazy afternoon

Why me?

 

 

I'm not the type for jealousy,

Despite my unrequited love themed poetry.
the sight of her, and her and yet another,
Sends me screaming under the covers.
I don't think I'll tell you,
Its best you don't know,
I don't wanna start fights,
its not worth it, you know?

So I'll pretend it doesn't bother me...
I'll bite my tongue and grit my teeth.

Ignore the frequent "I love you"s

and all their stupid num de plumes.
I'll try so hard to get over it,

ignore my desire to throw a fit.

Stop looking for fuel to feed my fire,
after all that wasn't my desire.
Just wanted to see what your life was about,
how it worked and figure things out.

But here I sit,
all alone,
wishing time could be owned.
to go back when,
curiosity peeked,
and the wall I built sprung a leak. 

All my life I've been good... But now, what the hell?

Sometimes people don't really know how we are.
Sometimes people fall for someone who is completely different than what they think.

SO I want to tell you what kind of girl I am.

I'm the kind of girl who:

•  Loves wearing men's shirts cause I think they fit nicely
• Would love to spend all day in bed writing up a storm
• Falls hard and passionately
• Can't spell my way out of a paper bag (and expects NO ONE to point it out)
• Will try so hard to be perfect, but recognizes that its not possible
• Wants a prince and doesn't want to go through frogs (I skipped that stage)
• Wants to marry my best friend and frankly won't have it any other way
• Loves bunnies, and doggies, and kittens (very seldom cats tho)
• Will see every one of your flaws but will never point them out (unless your a jerk)
•  Doesn't really believe in second chances
• But would like one if she messes up
• Dances around my room when no one can see, pretending I'm in front of a crowd
• Is afraid of the dark, but doesn't want to be rescued

I feel like that's a good intro to how I am. But like I said, its just an intro. I like to have the audacity to think there is some depth to my personality. Well that's all for now!

XoXo 

I invite you to a world where there is no such thing as time

Let's play pretend and Make believe

Chase me,                                                                                                                          

Chase me,                                                                                                           

round and round.                                                                                                                        

Follow me,                                                                       

Follow me,                                                                       

down and down.                                                                   

Catch me,                                         

Catch me,                                 

if you can...                  

Take me,                                                                                                                  

Take me,                                                                                                   

make a stand.                                                                                                             

I won't wait forever,                                                                

Here and now.                                                                    

                    I'll run away,                                

underground.            

Down my rabbit hole I'll spiral,                                                                                  

singing songs of want and desire.                                 

Some desires are so deep rooted that even the thought of them haunts us

Rose-Scented Kisses...

I see you,

I want you.

I taste you,

I crave you.

It seems like you enjoy the game that I play,

My tongue flicking and teasing across your lips.

I taunt you,

I tease you.

I touch you,

I need you.

Close Enough to Start a War

 

Such evocative eyes,

Such powerful attraction,

Led not by a carnal lust

Or an insatiable passion,

But by simply a need to discover what captivates his mind.

What does he dream when he lies to sleep?

What causes his eyes to drift towards the towering ceiling of a dark lit room?

Is there any thoughts that could shake the world?

Or is it simply a jaded man’s lack luster attempt at self reflection?

But more I wonder,

What do you think when our eyes catch for that brief moment,

Over the heads of dozens,

All equally disinterested in the story singing in the air.

Do you reflect on what I may be thinking of you?

Or why it seems that I can’t draw my eyes from you,

That is without looking back a few seconds later.

Possibly I hope you’ll catch my gaze

And

Maybe

Just maybe

You’ll smile at me.

This is a place where your mind can ecape all the problems of date and go far far away

A Kiss

A kiss.

So simple in its motions,

Yet to you,

Promising such deep and profound longing.

I never considered how much I might be hurting you.

I never thought that maybe it meant more to you then to me.

I’m sorry if I broke your heart.

I’m sorry if you miss me.

I didn’t mean to fall in love with a man who barely knows my name.

A sigh.

So long have I wanted this.

Yet to me,

Promising him everything meant so much to me.

I didn’t think you considered me making those same promises to you.

I didn’t want this for me and you because you don’t make my heart fly.

I’m trying to catch his eye.

I’m failing at it.

I didn’t mean to capture the heart of a lonely man.

So We Return...

Another day that we return

To blind passions

And secret glances.

Another moment where I know

That I simply cannot possess you

And that thought reeks havoc in my mind.

Why is it so bad that I want you near to me?

To keep as my own,

For no one else to hold?

See me please,

Let me walk into your life.

Let me kiss the lips that tease me so often

Let me know that you wish the same

So we return no more to this game.

I try day after day

To make sense of how I feel,

Questioning my movements

And your glances.

It’s not as simple as black and white,

Not as clean cut as i would have.

But still I try and I beg,

See me please,

Let me walk into your life.

Let me kiss the lips that tease me so often

Let me know that you wish the same

So we return no more to this game.