Monday, June 20, 2011

Oh my god... this is what death feels like....

             So I literally just sat down from my first ever intentional run… I think I’m dead. The end.

Well no… not really I guess. I mean I can type, but I still feel like death warmed over. Really warmed over because I decided to run at 7:30 in the morning during a Florida summer, where the day’s heat index is 109. That was mistake number one. 

Mistake number 2? Having my dog run with me. she’s a little perky but fat thing, and she just wanted to sprint or sniff.  My s&s dog. 

Mistake number 3 would be my lack of intensive stretches beforehand. I mean  stretched my thighs (front and back) and I stretched some other stuff… but I completely forgot about my calves. Stupid things… 

Mistake number 4? Well, I’m trying to decide if me sitting on my nice comfortable bed is a mistake…

Other than that I think I did good. I mean I actually ran. Yea… I had to stop every now and then so that I could breathe and Bailey could sniff, but I made no forward progress unless I was running. Slowly yes, but running. Hopefully this will happen everyday… the running not  the being death warmed over part.

So, as off June 20, 2011 I stand at 5’7 and (gulp) 145 lbs
This pretty much means, I have a goal weight loss of 15-20 pounds to get back to where I used to be.
Welcome to my journey of 

Trying not to be the fat ex-swimmer!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

A picutres worth a thousand words

So I am so in love with the idea of photography and really wanted to put some of my favorite pictures up.

This is the every lovable Duke

Charley the Princess

Such beautiful eyes she has

You might not want to get in the middle of these two...

The perfect little thing who is Maddi

Bailey always seems to be happy

Key West, how I will miss you

Duke has managed to triple in size I believe

Brother and Sister

I think Nature can have some of the most interesting designs

This was just a picture I really liked

What I love about this picture is the fact that this is all natural lighting. There was no editing or color scheme changes done to it

I was having an adorable moment

So this is def a moment for comparing and contrasting... this is a beach in the keys....

This is a beach in Puerto Rico... easy win?

The streets of Old San Yuan

Beach before a storm

New years party

San Yuan

The fort of Old San Yuan

Paris? Nope Epcot

Pretty flower

I thought this was a rose but the more I see it, the less I'm sure...

I just love how I was able to focus on the fountain despite having a really crappy camera and so much else going on

This is one of the prettiest bare trees I have seen

Yes, these are real flowers

Once again another picture with no lighting effects, saw this walking to the bus

Its water droplets... that I swear look like a little foot print

The amazing view from my brother's old house

An old building in Key West

Same building different angle

Different door. Yes, I appear to like doors

Love the creation of shadows by the sun being behind the tree

It could almost be a heart

My brother's house in Key West

A hidden path

Forbidden Night

Amber rays caress my cheeks,
as a burning sun hides away.
Brillant night slowly drowns me,
as black erases everything.

Simple pleasures in the glow of dusk,
such bittersweet emotion.
Gone is the sun which shines for me,
yet here is the moon which sings to me.

For i am myself not when day has reached its peak,
but rather when twilight captures me.
Only then can i strip the mask that i put on everyday,
only in the darkest hour do i ever feel as though its all ok.

So as specks of beauty begin to shine
(truly suns of a different kind),
and as the moon reaches peak,
all around me i feel alive,
and part of everything.

But sorrow follows soon enough,
as the moon is forced to go.
And i just wait,
behind my mask,
for the freedom of The Night.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Strange tides...

What an odd way to wake up...

First and foremost my dad came and turned on the light, as usual, to wake me up... and I'm pretty sure he stood there before doing so... Odd. Then upon glancing at my phone noticed I had a Facebook friend request. That’s no big deal, except it was from someone I had not talked to in forever. A guy from up in Michigan, and considering I had only recently changed my name on Facebook it seemed even more odd that he found me. But I’m not asking questions. It’s really not a big deal. 

Ok, so lets get down to business. Do I know what this business is? Not really. Well, I guess I can talk about some of my bitterness lately. Work being my main concern. You see I’m having a little problem accepting the way things are shaping up. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. You see I’ll do what I’m told to do, but the man is making me do things that I shouldn’t have to do. And to be honest it’s not as bad as I had it worked out to be, for me its just the principal of the matter. But to be frank I feel like the ears of my boyfriend and my best friends have been bled dry on this conversation point and there really isn’t much more that I can say about other than I’m not happy and I’m expecting it to not happen again. 

My dog is currently snoring rather loudly on my bed… No bueno.

Have you ever thought back to the promises you made to other people? Like past friends and past relationships that you promised to set your world around? Like going to college with someone or uprooting your life to be with them. Am I the only one who’s done that? I mean I haven’t done it with every person in my life, because it could then be said I was intentionally lying to people. I wouldn’t do that. But every once in awhile there was someone that I thought “you know we could have a future together”. No not a romantic future. I’m a firm believer that you should let your romantic future come in time and not try to plan it… except trips (cause I’m planning a trip to Puerto Rico with the beau tehehe). But the kind of future I’m talking about is the one you have with your friends. The people that you think are meant to be part of your life and that you just can’t function without. You remember your best friend from elementary school? All the plans you made about being in each others’ weddings and growing old together? How many times does that really happen? It hasn’t for me… and I miss her, just like I miss my best friend from middle school who I made the same promises to. The story seems to go on and on. You see the thing with me is that I don’t keep a very large circle of friends. Namely because I am very particular about who I want to care about. So when you become my friend I want you to stay my friend. And yes this includes my exs. Which is where my problem comes from. Why do we make these promises if we can’t keep them? Why do you say “Even though we aren’t together anymore, I never wanna lose you from my life”? Honestly now all I hear in that is Blah Blah Blah.  

So this story sums up with me giving a little advice… don’t make these promises if you cant keep them. Because you see when you make these promises the other person expects you to follow through with it, and when you don’t someone is gonna get hurt. Just saying.

Am I back to bitterness? Well I think I’ll just call this blog to a close. See you soon!


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Today is definity my lazy day....

First and foremost, sorry for my complete absence. Been swamped and sleepy, which all in all are not very good things to be in a combined setting...

But I'm here now... which is all that matters. So let's see... I honestly don't remember much from friday... But, I do remember Saturday... and what a day that was. I had to drive out to Gainsville (with my family mind you, which is always grounds for complications) for my little sister's swim meet (further complications). So the day started in the usual way, me getting rushed out of the house, getting in the car, wishing I could be ANYWHERE else and setting out on the road. The drive wasn't that bad, after all, isn't that the exact reason ipods were created? So we finally get there (low and behold an hour early) and the pool is a pretty nice set up. Small water park at the entrance, freaking huge water slide, separate diving pool, and a small shallow pool for those kiddies not quite ready to conquer the 50 yards of infinite torture.
        SO, my family began the ultimate search for shade... Cause i mean, we live in Florida and when the sun comes out, all the SMART non-masochistic Floridans find better ways to avoid the heat rather than just sitting in the sun. But hey, we're a swimming family right? So we get a seat underneath some structural thing that I'm pretty sure was not meant to be sat under, we literally had to climb under bars to get to it, but when it comes to my family I've learned the best technique is to simply let them do what they "think" is best and I get to do the whole, well-you-should-have-asked-me thing, which I get to do a lot. The one thing about this day I forgot to mention was that I was at this sun-baked swim meet in jeans. Please don't ask me about the logic in this, because there simply was none. So after about a half hour of that insane melting sensation, I discovered the magic land of clearance bathing suits. And yes, I, the non-swimmer, got my parents to buy me a suit, because frankly heat stroke is not as romantic as it can be portrayed to be. But after that my day became a continuous journey from my seat to the water park to my seat to the pool to watch Alyssa swim, to my seat and then repeating the whole thing all over again. Fun right?
           So after the swim meet finished, my parents decided they wanted to go see the University. That's fine with me. You see, much to the chagrin of my boyfriend and seemingly all of my friends, I was born and raised a Gator girl. I remember running around as a little girl in Gator uniform, cheering for every game. I even have poorly photographed evidence... Yea... so... We went and walked around the athletic facilities and ooed and ahhed as was appropriate. I saw all kinds of things... The Heisman statues etc. I actually got to go out into the stadium and watch a try out. I mean it was really cool. But the thing is Gainsville is a "college town" as my parents like to say... so the things surrounding the college weren't exactly what I thought they would be. Lots of bars and clubs, all looking pretty sketch, which is a funny word to use around your parents, cause they don't know what it means... But they kept pitching the idea of UF to me... and it wasn't what I grew up dreaming it would be. I mean its hard for me to imagine what our darling Tim Tebow did there for four years. And yes darling. But no... I'm not one of those girls that is a fan of the Gators because of Tebow and what he did for them. And no, I'm not a fan of Tebow because he's super Christian and attractive. I actually think he's a little baby faced for me... Just saying. But there is something in Tebow I liked when he played for us. Maybe it was the pure way he played, how football was his world. The devotion and passion he put into his sport. He showed characteristics in the sport that I wish more athletes, hell more people in general, showed. But let me insert a few pix from the journey... 

Yea, that's him....

Those poor fools don't seem to have a chance :P

This deserves to be really big... just saying....  

So back to my day... Finished at UF and went to Pizza Hut... and may I say that I am thoroughly sick of pizza.
But that was pretty much my Saturday in a nut shell.

But I finally remember Friday. I feel silly for forgetting. I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie with my little sister. All in all a good movie... Except that they didnt tell you what happened with the Priest and the mermaid... That really bugged me... But hey, I guess it can me a 100% perfect movie can it?

That night I went to dinner with Nick. PF Changs. Yum as always. And my boyfriend? Amazing as always. Its hard to screw up a night (even for a ditz like me) when you've got a guy like this. He finds humor and adorableness in almost everything I do... I say almost because well... I don't doubt that I have those moments where he secretly wants to strangle me!

But I have found a major purpose to this blog. Have you ever looked at yourself and thought... "Man what happened to me?" I do. And no, I'm not one of those people that goes on and on about how fat I am... I just remember how in shape I used to be. So I want to get back into that shape. This blog will serve not only as my personal outlet for the world, but as my motivational stance. So.... I'm gonna go shave my legs, throw on a suit and begin my trek into the world of hardcore working out. Wish me luck!


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I mean what else do you do when you're sad?

So I'm back.
I know, it feels like I've been gone for ever.

But my day seemed to take a simple spiral downward. And I needed to vent.
I say a simple spiral but really, its like a void. I huge void. To understand this, there are a few things that need to be explained. Namely my priorities in life. You see there are a few things that are really important to me. I shall list them and explain them.
  1. My niece Maddison.
  2. My dog Bailey.
  3. The people who love me.
  4. My relationship with my boyfriend, Nick.
  5. My school work.
  6. My job.
  7. Everything else
I know that some of these seem a little out of order to some people, but that's ok, cause this is my list, and it should be expected that it's different from yours. But let me explain each one. This should give you a little insight about me.
       My niece's name is Maddison, but we call her Maddi. She's a blonde haired blue eyed 3 yr old angel. No one can make me smile like she does. 
        Bailey is my little puppy. Well she's actually like 4 or so. She was my sister in law's dog, but when Maddi was born she started getting jealous, so she was given to me. This dog is a fatty and I love her tons!
        Of course the people that love me are high on this list. Because I am the kind of person that loves with all I have. If I care about you, you know I am your rock and you can count on me for anything. But more often than not that strong sense of love isn't returned. So, when someone loves me in return the connection I feel with that person is incredible.
Me and Nick
        Next is my boyfriend Nick. We've been together for 3 months. Our anniversary is March 5th. This guy is amazing. He's funny, sweet, kind, giving.. everything you want in a guy I have in this man. My man. I can't get enough of him.
       My next step right now is my school work. I'm taking the summer off right now, so its not that important currently. BUT, I'm studying to become a highschool English teacher and then maybe go into teaching on a college level. Right now I'm in school majoring i education.
      My Job? Well I work at my university's pool. I'm a life guard and a swim instructor. In both cases I love my job. Wholeheartedly. Its so nice to go to work and enjoy what you do, and I think most college students don't have that same luck with jobs. You'll probably hear alot about work through out this blog.
     And then there's everything else. Cause I'm too lazy too list them.

So...  back to my current problem.
     Maddi, my niece, is moving to Alaska. Yea that's right. Alaska. My brother is coast guard and he and his family is being relocated to Alaska from Key West. So they are taking this epicly long adventure drive to get there. They stopped by our house for two days and left Monday to continue on. Well saying good bye to her had to be one of the hardest things I've done. And it didn't get any easier when she kept telling me "Titi, get in the truck" and "Titi, see you tomorrow". It was impossible. So I was home alone yesterday and the house was so empty without her happy hyper foot steps up and down the stairs. It was killing me. So I thought I'd talk to my boyfriend. But a few days ago a friend of his passed. Nick just wanted to be left alone. Ok, I thought, I can do that, I mean I was gonna go to the pool and he was gonna be working. So I could see him there. Well when I got there I found him smiling and laughing. So I thought he'd come see him when he came outside. And he came outside, and acted like I wasn't there. I felt my heart drop. I wanted to cry all over again. Not only was I left alone from Maddi being gone, but the one person whose arms I wanted to collapse into didn't want to see me.

So that' where I am. That's my sad day. Maybe it'll get better tonight. I'll let you know.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The start to a day

So this is probably something I should have done along time ago. I keep too many thoughts in my head rather than just putting them where they need to be... on the internet for public scrutiny. So much happens on a day to day basis in life, and after awhile people just stop wanting to hear about it. So what better than to leave it all out on the internet?

I can't promise I'll write faithfully everyday.  That would be a blatant lie. There's too much going on. I can promise to try. For my personal sanity.

I guess a blog for me won't be what all those romantic ideas of blogs are. You get to post some heart catching life mission like Julie and Julia (maybe Julia and Julie...) or you get to talk about how crazy in love you are, and then my pure chance the man reads it, realizes he feels the same way and confesses his profound love for you. There are countless examples of how our culture glorifies blogs. That's not what I'm trying to do. Honestly. I just want a place where every once in awhile I can write what I think and how I feel. But, I do have some of my own creative outlets I'll share every once in awhile. You'll see those when we get there.

But for now,
I should probably get ready for work. I'm never really sure what time I'm supposed to be there... so I figure its always a good idea to be a little early!