Thursday, January 3, 2013

Body Parts

Have you ever had those songs that ring in your head, and no matter what you do they don't seem to go away?

Well that is a pretty good way to describe my brain right now. There is so much just floating around in there that i think I subconsciously found a song to replace it all. And here's the thing... This isn't my usual dose of crap... This time there is more than I think any one person in my life knows. For the past seven hours I have felt like my head is going to implode. Not because of head trauma, but because of the magnitude and prevalence of these things... 

So what are these things I imagine you're asking yourself. 
Where to begin... 

I am exactly 60 days late today. It worries me, yes. And of course in typical fashion, assuming that nothing is wrong, yet not knowing makes me stressed and this stress only delays things more. So there is one of my never ending cycles of irony.

I received a voice-mail from the dean of the college of education at UNF. They had, last semester, requested me to change my major to English, until I got everything that I needed together for their college requirements. I can understand that, so I promptly switched my major for the time being. Well I have just received this phone call, and due to emotional circumstances not yet mentioned, choose to ignore it. Well low and behold the call was about my admittance into the college. I was offered early acceptance, despite not having met all the requirements. I don't think this has ever happened before... They are usually very strict about the requirements. So I guess that's really good news. I guess when the dean sees that he has just lost a student with the academic transcript that I have he finds a way to make it work. 

I got into a fight with my Dad this morning... And I'm trying to work through it with a little help from my friends. We haven't spoke since then... except when I was told to scrub the floors. Back breaking work that is... my arms are sore and my back is aching...

Save Me Please!

Fire is my life, fire is my hope, fire is my everything.

Confusion, whipping, whirling never ending.
Always colder, always harder, cruel and devastating all in one.

Fire is my life, fire is my hope, fire is my everything.

Light, I need a light to keep at bay the ever darkening hour.
Searching for warmth, searching to hide, searching to survive.

Fire is my life, fire is my hope, fire is my everything.

A leaf, a twig, anything to find a way.
At last a flame, a hope to guide me from my doom.

Fire is my life, fire is my hope, fire is my everything.

The light is hungry devouring all in its path and growing in strength.
Then suddenly, goodbye mydear with a hiss the light and my salvation go out.

Fire was my life, fire was my hope, fire was my everything.


Fire on your finger,
Fire in your eye,
Fire in your spirit,
Fire that won’t die.

Fire in the bare bones of being,
Fire to uphold what’s right,
Fire in the heart of darkness,
Fire to fuel Love’s light.

Fire to burn but not consume,
Fire to learn and not assume,
Fire to live and give living room,
Fire to love and sing her tune. 

Freedom from...

I stare into the fire
it signifies my desire

leaping creeping and all red flames,
and its beauty hypnotizing,
and its flames uprising.
sparks showering in the night,
feeding fires of lesser might,
fire feeding on life and air,
fire that lays landscapes bare,
fire that warms the heart and soul,
fire that drives away the cold,
fire thats as hot as the heat within,
fire that seeks to erase my sin,
fire promises of days to come,
fire that will unite us as one,

and then I pray for the same desire
will sometimes too ignite your fire,
two lovers burning
consumed with flames,
the ashes of their love
ignite again and again

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