Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Only Slightly Severe Head Trauma

Things have not been going my way lately, to say it in the most blunt and idiotic way I can think of...

Namely with Garrett... The person I love more than anything... It is possible that its coming to an end, and it is killing me inside. The sad thing is that I have done it to myself. I have had the power to prevent this from happening the whole time... All I had to do was tell him about the progress I have made; show him that I have done so much not for him, but for me and for us. I can't explain why I didn't do it... I guess I just wanted to wait until the very moment where things felt like they did in the beginning. I should have just explained everything to him: the way I was feeling and the reasons why I felt that way.

But I have a positive feeling... I think we can get through it. We have gotten through so much worse and been better off for it. Love is worth fighting for, and fight I will.

Its been so long since I had anything that I felt I could write about... Not that I didn't have inspiration, but I couldn't find the words. I think I have them now. I just think it's too late...

I love the way you tell me that I’m beautiful,
and the way you make me laugh like no one else.
I love the way you move the hair away from my eyes,
and then kiss me on my face.
I love the way when you take me to the mall
and put your hands around my waist
as we watch the silly people together and feel the cooling breeze.
I love the way you'd sing to me at random moments,
and look at me and smile.
I love the way you leave the smell of your cologne on my clothes after we hug
I love the way you would send me my favorite characters
signed with an " I LOVE YOU".
I love the way you speak your mind and tell me about your opinions.
I love the way you're not afraid to cry and show your feelings.
I love the way you call me in the middle of the day just to say " I LOVE YOU."
and say how much you miss me.
I love the way you tell your friends about me and smile when you do.
I love the way you whisper into my ear,
the way your voice sounds so close to me.
it feels like I’m dreaming.
I love the way you do all of these and the fact that you're not ashamed to do it.
I love the way you treat me,
and I'll always be yours...

I met you and loved you,
I knew it at the start.
The second I saw you,
I gave you my heart.
Yet I was so afraid
of all the ones before,
the cheaters the liars,
they called me a whore.
I knew not what to say,
what to do or think,
I simply knew you
as I know that I blink.
Then I messed it up,
and went with another,
a man who was far, far from a lover.
He satisfied a need,
I had deep inside:
a guy so plain,
I didn't need to hide.
Wrong, yes I know,
But the past is the past,
the longer I was with him,
the more I looked back.
Back at you,
what I wanted,
and how I messed up,
how I could fix it,
how not to fuck up.
Finally I had the chance,
your lips on mine;
Time seemed to stop,
the world seemed fine.
I knew it was love,
despite all the boundaries,
and we made it work,
we finally were happy.
I'll never give up,
it's you that I want,
I think we can make it,
with more than just luck.

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