These are the songs that are currently imbedding themselves in my brain.
Stand Still- Look Pretty = The Wreckers
For the love of daughter= Demi Lovato
Time of Dying= Three days Grace
Pain= Three days grace
Smile= Boys like girls
Skyscraper= Demi Lovato
Zombie= The Pretty Reckless
Miss Nothing= The Pretty Reckless
Pumped up Kicks= Foster the people
Cute without the E= Taking back sunday
Jar of Hearts= Christina Perri
Do you notice a pattern?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
For the love of a daughter
Dear Mr and Mrs Viner,
First and foremost, I bet you're wondering why I didn't write this to mom and dad. The answer to that is simple. You have instilled in me the idea that I am not worthy of being your daughter. I cannot for certain tell you what I do wrong when it comes to this simple namesake, but I know it's true. Second, I need to make it known that I give everything for you. Classes four days a week, work five days a week, money I am not allowed to touch, no social life, resulting in inferior social skills and anxiety. I am home every day at the exact time you want me to be. I walk the dogs. I make you money. I put up with the secrets you tell me to keep, like Mrs Viner's alcohol drawer upstairs, or the packs of cigarettes in Mr Viner's truck. I run your daughter around town every day so that you don't have to. I pretend I don't have scars on my arms because I know that would embarrass you if anyone found out. I have a great average in school because I know that that's all I can give you since I'll never be a star like your other children. I try very hard to make you happy. I know it doesn't seem like it... Cause I never succeed in doing it. I wish I could though. I want to be a great daughter. One that you go to work and tell all your friends about. But I'm not. I'm a dirty little secret in this house. The red headed step child that no one really wants. I'll never be good enough, but it's ok, because you guys have finally gotten me to come to terms with this. I hate myself and my inferiority. I take it out on myself every time I make you unhappy. I have no friends because they can't stand it anymore or because I simply can't see them. But that's ok, because I would probably only let them down to. I tried to kill myself a few days ago. I didn't succeed. Just another thing I wasn't able to do. I know your lives would have been a lot simpler if I had. Hell I'm sure you could've even made some money off of it somehow. That's all that matters right? Just the money. Nd the swimming. The perfection and the way that she's gonna make you money when she becomes famous. I'm sorry I was never good enough for that. I'm sorry I quit and crushed your dreams. I'm sorry the money I make isn't good enough. I'm sorry the grades I make aren't good enough. But I will give you something that I think will truly mean a lot. I'll give you a promise. I promise that very soon you will never have to deal with me again. I will vanish from your life and everything will be perfect. It'll be exactly like I never existed. I know this is the one way I can make you happy. I will give it to you.
Your Disappointment
First and foremost, I bet you're wondering why I didn't write this to mom and dad. The answer to that is simple. You have instilled in me the idea that I am not worthy of being your daughter. I cannot for certain tell you what I do wrong when it comes to this simple namesake, but I know it's true. Second, I need to make it known that I give everything for you. Classes four days a week, work five days a week, money I am not allowed to touch, no social life, resulting in inferior social skills and anxiety. I am home every day at the exact time you want me to be. I walk the dogs. I make you money. I put up with the secrets you tell me to keep, like Mrs Viner's alcohol drawer upstairs, or the packs of cigarettes in Mr Viner's truck. I run your daughter around town every day so that you don't have to. I pretend I don't have scars on my arms because I know that would embarrass you if anyone found out. I have a great average in school because I know that that's all I can give you since I'll never be a star like your other children. I try very hard to make you happy. I know it doesn't seem like it... Cause I never succeed in doing it. I wish I could though. I want to be a great daughter. One that you go to work and tell all your friends about. But I'm not. I'm a dirty little secret in this house. The red headed step child that no one really wants. I'll never be good enough, but it's ok, because you guys have finally gotten me to come to terms with this. I hate myself and my inferiority. I take it out on myself every time I make you unhappy. I have no friends because they can't stand it anymore or because I simply can't see them. But that's ok, because I would probably only let them down to. I tried to kill myself a few days ago. I didn't succeed. Just another thing I wasn't able to do. I know your lives would have been a lot simpler if I had. Hell I'm sure you could've even made some money off of it somehow. That's all that matters right? Just the money. Nd the swimming. The perfection and the way that she's gonna make you money when she becomes famous. I'm sorry I was never good enough for that. I'm sorry I quit and crushed your dreams. I'm sorry the money I make isn't good enough. I'm sorry the grades I make aren't good enough. But I will give you something that I think will truly mean a lot. I'll give you a promise. I promise that very soon you will never have to deal with me again. I will vanish from your life and everything will be perfect. It'll be exactly like I never existed. I know this is the one way I can make you happy. I will give it to you.
Your Disappointment
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